TomCruise.com

With my family asleep, and me for some reason piddling away online delaying it, I just spent 20 minutes on TomCruise.com.

And naturally, entirely predictably, I am now left thinking, well, shit. That's 20 minutes I can't get back.

So I'll just pay it forward by saving you the same amount of time to use for something else more useful, more meanginful, more pleasurable. Such as nosehair plucking, toenail trimming, earwax digging, or the like.

Lest you be tempted to visit, I can tell you the contents right here. Ready?
Stupid intro letter from Tom about how he loves to make movies
Stupid video clips of his movies strung together with stupid mission impossible theme song
Stupid stupid TigerBeatesque photo gallery
Link to oh-so-candid (yeah, right) Oprah interview
Complete lack of a point whatsoever

Just don't, don't, don't bother. You won't find a peep about Brooke Shields, postpartum or Scientology. You will also realize Katie and Suri don't exist, because they aren't mentioned anywhere. And you will realize Tom is for sure hetero because there's lots of clips of him kissing lots of girls.

All it took was one $200K website and some Flash and now I know I should listen to him when he says to take my vitamins. Because, you know, he's such a SERIOUS AND IMPORTANT movie star.