And Now, a Little Levity

The last few weeks have been intense. This made ME laugh, so hopefully it'll do the same for you even if you've seen it before ... I took the liberty to bold my personal faves.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

BARACK OBAMA : The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change ! The chicken wanted change ! And he wanted to share the eggs with those that have no eggs of their own... eggs for everyone!! The rich people will pay for them.... we will spread them.

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

SARAH PALIN : Where's my gun?

JOE BIDEN : [silence]

HILLARY CLINTON : When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH : We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL : Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON : I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY : Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON : Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL : The problem we have here is that this chicken won 't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE : That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty ! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks .

PAT BUCHANAN : To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART : No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS : Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY : To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS : Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE : It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES : I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN : Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS : Did I miss one?

Possibilities

Sunday will be Mike's and my seventh anniversary. SEVEN!!! We'll celebrate the occassion by taking two probably grumpy babies to my work picnic and carting them around in crowds and heat.

Ha ha, just kidding. Well, we WILL do that. But first we'll celebrate for real. Because Libby is a saint on earth, she agreed to babysit Saturday night so we could go out. WITHOUT KIDS. WITHOUT PREGNANT BELLY. And, so help me, WITHOUT GUILT.

Erin and Tim had done this for us just before Rachel was born, and that was great. But there's one thing this date night will have that was missing before. Just one little detail...ALCOHOL.

So, internet friends, what should we DOOOO??

Because we don't go out and because if we do it involves the worlds "sports" and "bar", I don't know where we should eat or what cute little place we should go for drinks after?

Or, if we go the more high brow route, what good movies are out now? You know, that you would go see, if you could, if you weren't at home caring for one or two babies (my readership is as housebound as I am, I fear).

Or if you don't have comments, at least vote in my poll. Need all the help I can get after seven years.

I Rock and So Does Snapfish

So according to my scientific poll, you're all as delinquent as I am at actually printing photos on actual paper for actual frames or God forbid, actual albums. It's a virtual world and we are virtual girls. But allow me to inspire you: tonight I ordered real live photos - a disgusting 186 of them - from Jan. 1 through my last July download.

So NOW when my computer crashes or I spill coffee on it, I won't have to throw myself off the nearest bridge. Because I will have my child and family and friends captured on PAPER not just megabytes. At least, the last six months. We won't talk about the lion's share of Matthew's first two years of life, just right now.

First, let me point out that at $.o9 a photo, vs. $.19 a photo, Snapfish beats the pants of Shutterfly. EEJ, I know you already are a fan...

Second, let me note that I love Picasa enough to marry it. Was SO easy to run through hundreds of photos, tray the ones I liked, connect to Snapfish and one short Visa order later, have our last 6 months of existence be put in the mail within 3 to 5 business days.

Third, do I have any takers on how long I'll procrastinate to actually PUT them into an album? I say if I can do this pre-baby, I'm a hero. Realistically, if I do this within 2008, I could die happy.

Either way, that's hardly the point, people. I can at least take 2-3 and put them in frames. Because judging by what you see displayed around our house, Matthew is still a newborn and Mike and I are still appily engaged to be married.

Okay, to wrap it up with a bow on top ... in my photo search/queue/order process, I ran across some kiddo shots too adorable not to share:

Matthew and Bridget, Superbowl, acting like goofy little kids (not babies) for one of the first times that I noticed.

Matthew and Max, our frienda Steve and Renae's son, during their last visit to us in June. Acting like the sweet angels they always are. Uh huh.

And the entire Steve/Renae clan - Anna, Aidan and Max - on an earlier visit this spring, at their old favorite haunt (before they became Little Rockians), Kirkwood Park.
The utter boredom of meeting Baby Shane at the hospital forced both kids into the closet, apparently?

Oh come on, you kids don't know from fun. Just LOOK AT HIM!

Naturally, I finally post a newborn photo right about the time he's turning 1. Ok, two and a half months, but might as well be 1, this kiddo has already grown more than I care to think about. Stay small, little guy, stay small ... you break mommy's and aunties' hearts when you grow too fast.

Miss Amelia, that all goes for you too.

I have to say, Matthew appears a little more lively visiting you. Guess he just likes the pretty ladies, and who can blame him. Though I certainly did not take a close enough picture of this baby girl, and I will be rectifying that when I can. Trust me, she is gorgeous.

Mindless Fun, for a Cause

Tonight, I am relaxing. That is my new thing. Old thing = stressing. New thing = ree-laxxxx-ing.

So that's why I just spent about 10 - 15 minutes playing on this site, which will supposedly donate food (grains of rice to be specific) for each vocabulary word you get right. Yep, that's right, that's what I said.

Odd combo? Yes. Addictive? Oh yeah. Just try and stop testing yourself.

What a Difference a Day Makes

I made an executive decision tonight to skip the two fun events I had planned, send Libby home earlier than we'd arranged, and take MY SON WITH ME shopping. To let go of moving and work stress and obligation for a night and just get out in the car with my boy.

And it was great.

First we waited in line together listening to my awesome new Mother's Day mix CD from BFF (thanks, Lisa!!) Our patience in the drive through line (1/2 hour wait - what up, Steak and Shake?) was rewarded with an amazingly delicious Frisco Melt. We hadn't minded waiting - "chatted" the whole time and had moved onto singing when the food finally showed. Still, felt it was karma when turns out they forgot the fries, ran them back out and "so sorry, ma'am" supersized them AND tossed in double cheese sauce. Good night.

Then we drove to Babies R Us to pick up a shower gift. I got to park in the Stork Parking, then Matthew got a turn on the Barney train out front. Luckily he had the good sense to be terrified and that didn't last too long. Good night.

We quickly found a gift off the registry, then picked up gifts for two other new babies we know. Went on to peruse the Thomas and Cars themed baby beds - "Cars, FAST!"

Matthew had fun locating a few other necessities, too... I'd him out of the cart while I pondered gift wrap. He goes to look at some toys a few feet away. Next time I look over he is loading the SECOND of two mini-construction sets into our cart. Which is higher than his head. I can't imagine how we got it in there so fast.

I cracked up and seeing it was on clearance anyway, decided tonight was buy my sweet kid a toy night. A good night.

We drove home and sang some more. We detoured through Webster to visit the new house. When we parked at home, we looked for the moon (found it) and the stars (no such luck, cloudy). Then we talked to Daddy on the phone at his school's camp; we wrestled our way into dinosaur p.j.'s.; and we snuggled up with books, which we took turns reading as he knows lots of Dr. Seuss by heart now.

To cap it off, we stood in his room in the dark, him snuggled up on me... and I swear, helping me sing - like, along with me - his Rocky Baby song. I have never heard our two voices singing together before (he can sing?) and it was the highlight of my day, week...

To think last night I nearly chucked it all and tossed myself off my window ledge (empty threat, it's 3 ft. high) due to moving stress. Work deadlines. MIA husband (ok, he was working). And a terribly cranky two-year-old that was still awake (long story) at 10 p.m.

And tonight. I am feeling a blessed mother of one helluva sweet boy (snoring quietly in other room) and one precious little girl on the way (kicking me like crazy this whole time I'm writing). Ah, perspective - what a difference one good night makes.

How Many STL Blog Posts Today are ... SNOW DAY!

Well, phooey on them. I didn't have one, but Mike and Matthew did.

I had a snow drive, snow work, snow drive home early and now snow work from home.

This is when being a teacher goes from underpaid raw deal, to sweet A setup. Mike is still in his jammies.

Still, getting my picture message of my son grinning in our front yard snow, playing with his Daddy unexpectedly on a weekday made me appreciate our Snow Day just as much.

And can I just SAY our little 1994, pushing past 200K miles Acura, is one helluva snowcat! Must be its Colorado roots (where Grama Dale and Grampa Bob live, it used to be theirs).

Juxtaposition

How's this for the wide range of craziness on the web? Here were the two videos that caught my interest today.

First, I found this a compelling feminist appeal for Hillary. ***Note I am not necessarily decided, or endorsing this view that you vote for The Woman, to get A Woman in office. But I did hold it at one point in college; and something still resonates for me. Though I can say the same for non-whites. There are several glass ceilings to break; and so we have just one part of this November's dilemna.




And then...on a much much lighter note, and one probably not endorsed by the makers of the prior video...here's SNL's take on the latest pharma breakthrough: Annuale, for the Once-A-Year Period. Tina Fey in the wig alone made me laugh, but the whole thing had me rolling over my Lean Cuisine at lunch today.

My God What Have I Been Thinking

Anyone who knows me knows get stressed. About work. Constantly. Just can't shut down, not worry, let it go.

It's more my problem than anything probably. Maybe. But regardless I've found a new solution.

When you come home late and just have time to put read 1/2 a story and then put your baby to bed and you're feeling a little bummed about that...and you're having to wait 20 min for your stupid stupid frozen pizza...

And your husband offers you white wine...

You say YES!

I am not a big weekday drinker. Between wake ups, headaches, chores and Points, it's just not been my thing. Until now.

Two glasses in (yup) I feel better than I have in days. Weeks. After a hellaciously stupidly long day, I'm now happily blogging with no cares in the world. Sure they'll be there tomorrow and probably double from whatever I'm neglecting tonight.

But right now - all's right with the world - Merry Christmas to all, and to all a helluva good night.

Humpfh

Not to steal Erin's thunder from her likely impending Weather Off post ...

But 4 - 6 inches, my butt!

Mack Truck

That's what I feel like hit me tonight. I know there's lots of stuff going around, including whatever Matthew, Mike and Libby are all fighting in various degrees. Matt's coughing, Michael's got a sore throat and Libby's got a little dose of everything.

Maybe I'm next? Because it took alllllll my energy tonight to order two Christmas gifts online and now, to get ready to roll into bed. I feel FINE but this has gotta be a flu coming (no, it's nothing more interesting than that making me tired, I assure you).

Sure is GREAT TIMING, hope it hits just in time for my biz trip next week. Or wait - better stil! just in time for my weekend BEFORE my biz trip. YES - that'll be it.

Kinda pessimistic I know but ... really, I feel like one of you came over and took all the bones out of my body today.

Off to ooze to bed...

GOD I LOVE TV (and fall)

Watching re-runs of The Office on TBS is the BOMB. Not only do they run them back to back with NO breaks and no I'm-not-watching-The-Office-sadness for even one minute. But the first night I discover they run them ... it's the put-Dwight's-stuff-in-Jello-episode. Love it!

AND NOW I WANT TO SEE THE NEW SEASON RIGHT NOW!

Thankfully I don't have to wait much longer. The new TV season is a-comin'. Yet another reason I LOVE this time of year.

Here are a few others:
Talking walks is finally a habit I can sustain during fall. I love how it smells, how it feels. I have so much more energy. Tonight the Fam took a walk together. I was practically sprint-walking. It almost feel like I could have RUN (don't get crazy people, I did NOT). Mike and the dogs were eating Matthew's and my dust.

Fantasy football's in full swing. I am already more into it now that my first week was solid and I am a (very close) fifth behind my better half.

We are coming up on October which brings Danny's first birthday and our anniversary. For the former, it'll mean another road trip to Chi town and seeing friends and family. For the latter, it'll mean at least a few hours out on the town for Mikey and Aimee to take in a nice dinner and a few toddler-free (love you, honey!) hours as Aunt Kim's already graciously volunteered to do a Matthew night.

It also means probably a few fun friend outings, like the balloon race at Forest Park this weekend, or next month maybe the wineries, or a trip to the Jones lake house. It also hopefully means at least one traditional fall golf outing to Wolf Hollow. I HOPE!

(And it means the end of one and eventuallye two of my giant projects. So I've got THAT going for me, which is nice ...)

Basically, despite working crazy hours and never having enough time to do half these things I'm dreaming about, just walking outside into crisp weather this morning, and legitimately wearing a cute fallish sweater instead of scraping together another summer outfit, made me very happy this morning. In fall, that's all it takes!

My Poor Capital One Card

$120 plus tip sure is a lot for a haircut and color. But DAMN I look good. Kambra has me addicted. Like Starbucks or ordering appetizers or buying lots of stuff I don't even try on at Old Navy just because it's colorful and under $20 ... she may not be the wisest use of my hard-earned money. But I sure as HELL cannot give her up.

(Cusswords added: 2. PG-13, here I come!)

Yes, I Hit Her

It's come to my attention that yesterday's post was unclear on a couple fronts.

One, I hit her. Unless she just happeded to be driving a newish looking suburban with a giant grey scrape on the left side of her bumper. Where some other impatient driver shoved past her at another Baptist Convention traffic jam.

Two, there was no one leaving Starbuck's when I did. So as far as their door holding, the world will never know.

Hell Hath No Fury...

Like me driving to work this morning in the midst of the National Baptist Church Convention traffic. Totally unexpected and totally unpleasant

It took me an HOUR to make a 15 - 18 minute commute. Most of that hour was spent between the Memorial Drive 44 exit ... and the 1/4 mile stretch of Memorial Drive that I take before turning onto Pine.

The last two minutes of that hour were spent as follows:

Floor it to sneak in front of the jackass that won't let me over
Get stopped because another jackass is partially blocking my lane on the right
Get incredibly agitated with being 100 feet away from parking garage and yet, not IN garage.
Try to squeeze by jackass #2 on his left.
Screeeeaccchhh.

That last is my car crunching past JA#2's bumper. I stopped and she stopped. We both rolled down windows. We both looked back toward rear ends of our cars. I actually went so far as to yell over to her, "I THINK I JUST DID THAT...?!"

She shot me a dirty look and drove off.

To celebrate slash console myself, I headed down to Starbuck's. Already late, right?

Now, what do you think happened at the Starbuck's on the morning of a giganto convention that is taking over the city? Yes, it was swamped. With people with name tags, looking WAYYY too chipper to be the evil doers I had just done battle with (but they were still not fooling me).

I almost turned right back and left. But come on people, this is my latte we're talking about. I waited for my coffee and watched all the conventioneers politely chatting away, waiting for theirs. Someone dropped a $5 and I gave it back and she was very sweet about it. Plus the Starbuck's people themselves act like your long lost Aunt/Uncle, "Here sweetie, you have a GREAT day now..." Okay I THINK I WILL, THANK YOU!

I finally headed off to work at 9:40 this morning, soothing hot coffee love in hand. And - Erin - tried to guess whether those Baptists would have held the door for me or not ... cuz they sure as h-e-double hockey sticks were NOT letting me over in traffic ten minutes earlier.

What's Wrong with this Picture? At Work, Vol. 1

Me: Getting coffee. It's early. I'm grumpy. I'm maybe PMSing. In any event, neeeeeeed coffee and 10 minutes of quiet Internet time before anyone talks to me.

Intern-type person: Making copies. Fussing around with machine impatiently. Sighing.

Me; Continue getting coffee.

Intern-type person: "Do you know what 'document feeder jam' means?"

Me: (In super patient, sure I'm glad to help mode). Lift document feeder. "It means there's paper stuck in there."

Intern-type person: Fusses around. Sighs. "I can't see any paper..."

Me: Back to that coffee!

Intern-type person: Banging around with other drawers in hopes document feeder jam really means lifts lots of flaps and you win!

Me: Wrapping up the coffee and about to escape before, God help us all, I might be asked to help again.

Intern-type person: "Well, I'm just gonna use the other machine." Walking off. Away from now fully jammed and likely very pissed off copier.

Me: Considering whether to chase her down and remind her that none of US want to talk down the angry machine. Remember I'm too sore from yoga to chase anyone and then certainly to do anything with them once caught. Decide to let her live to jam another machine.

Happy freaking Tuesday, world.

Who's Got Two Minutes

Today, not me, but I'm posting anyway. It has been hectic. To say the least. The last two weeks I've gone from Chicago to Memphis to being buried in cheap cake and pony keg run-off at my son's official first birthday party. In between I have been sick, and coughed up more bright green mucous than you'd expect from someone who is not radioactive, or Slimer. And, I have been STRESSSSSED at work.

I am dying to go on about that last one. But taking a page from other bloggers, I will refrain from posting about all THAT. Sufficed to say I might be developing an ulcer made of the words "benefits annual enrollment communications."

In the last few weeks, so much as happened.

My friend Karen's sweet baby girls, Abby and Mara, have arrived!


Abigail (Abby) Sara
6 pounds, 5 ounces
19 inches
Born April 25, 2007 at 9:47 p.m.

Mara Jordan
6 pounds, 2 ounces
19 inches
Born April 25, 2007 at 9:56 p.m.

Unfortunately they chose the week before this mini-plague hit me, so the minute I stop talking like the Swamp Thing, Matthew and I get to go meet them, and hang out with their awesome big brother Sam.

Two weekends ago, I met Shawn and Eileen's sweet little boy, baby Owen, up in Chicago.


Owen's still in the NICU since being born prematurely the week before Easter. He's doing very well and we hope he can go home in the next 1 to 2 weeks. I am thinking his Mommy will be pretty darn glad when he's finally home where he belongs and she can keep an eye on him ... make sure he's going to bed on time, brushing his teeth, cleaning his ears, you know, that sort of thing.

I hear my significant other powering off, so I shall do the same.

This took 12 minutes. Lucky you reading this, to think you almost only got 1/6 of my fascinating thoughts.